K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Drake has all the answers
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
