Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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