Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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