I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
