Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
