I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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