Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
