Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
