i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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