the condom got lost in my hair
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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