worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
