hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
