Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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