and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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