A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
