You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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