Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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