So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
