Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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