I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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