Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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