You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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