Me too!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
