Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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