U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
