A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
