using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
