i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need water and some morals
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
