I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I just put wine in my tea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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