i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
