I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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