Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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