Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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