My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
