It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
