Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
BRING THE BAGELS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
