i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
