I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
