grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
