Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
