I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Everyone says I win the strip club
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
