Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
