My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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