the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I skipped work to stalk him.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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