You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize