the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
