so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
