Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize