I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
