I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
zippers are such a cool invention
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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