piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
