i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we should paint friendship bongs
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