I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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