Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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