K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize