i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
