It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
