i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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