Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
