i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
