Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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