Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
