he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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