My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
