garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
