We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
