i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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