Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
