Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?