don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Boobs speak an international language.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.