if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.