I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?