No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im so drunk with asians
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??