Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
