Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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