Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Let's get the cat blown out
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
