girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
