On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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