Non-Jews are for practice
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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