I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
