I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
