Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
