Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
