After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize