I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
