She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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