i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
