He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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