How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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