just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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