Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
