dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
