Soap is not a condiment
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
