peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
