Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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