Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
